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MOTHER
OF ALL DISCLAIMERS
This
website does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either
myself, my company, my boyfriend, my son, my friends,
or my dog, or any of his fleas; don't quote me on that;
don't quote me on anything; all rights reserved; you may
distribute this content freely but you may not make a
profit from it, at least not unless you PayPal my fair
share to sales at grandpascloset dot com; terms are subject
to change without notice; illustrations are slightly enlarged
to show detail, or shrunk to hide detail; any resemblance
to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and
purely coincidental; do not remove this disclaimer under
penalty of law; hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat;
do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle; your mileage
may vary; no substitutions allowed; for a limited time
only; this article is void where prohibited, taxed, or
otherwise restricted; caveat emptor; this website is provided
"as is" without any warranties whatsoever; reader
assumes full responsibility; an equal opportunity article;
no shoes, no shirt, no service; quantities are limited
while supplies last; if any defects are discovered, do
not attempt to read them yourself, but return to an authorized
service center; read at your own risk; parental discretion
advised, text may contain explicit materials some readers
may find objectionable; keep away from sunlight; keep
away from OJ & Michael; keep away from pets and small
children; limit one-per-family please; no money down;
no purchase necessary; you need not be present to win;
some assembly required; batteries not included; instructions
are included; action figures sold separately; no preservatives
added; slippery when wet; safety goggles may be required
during use; sealed for your protection, do not read if
safety seal is broken; call before you dig; not liable
for damages arising from use or misuse; for external use
only; if rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops,
discontinue reading; read only with proper ventilation;
avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool, dry place;
keep away from open flames; avoid contact with eyes and
skin and avoid inhaling fumes; do not puncture, incinerate,
or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit; do not place near
a flammable or magnetic source; smoking this website could
be hazardous to your health; the best safeguard, second
only to abstinence, is the use of a proper protection;
no salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added; if
ingested, do not induce vomiting, if symptoms persist,
consult a physician; articles are ribbed for your pleasure;
possible penalties for early withdrawal; offer valid only
at participating sites; allow four to six weeks for delivery;
must be 18 or over to read; disclaimer does not cover
misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami,
volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes, and other Acts
of God, neglect, damage from improper reading, incorrect
line voltage, improper or unauthorized reading, broken
antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers,
electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom
vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered
in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash,
ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing,
dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass,
mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include,
but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB's, shrapnel,
lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha,
Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc.); other restrictions
may apply. This product is meant for educational purposes
only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead
is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly
required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries
not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use
only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied.
Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment.
Postage will be paid by addressee; subject to approval.
This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to
affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do
not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For
recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over
18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician.
No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before
date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times
approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if
mailed in the United States. Breaking seal constitutes
acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen
on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains
a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors
may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem
to be right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use
only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop
in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool; process
promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage.
List was current at time of printing. Return to sender,
no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible
for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages
resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform.
At participating locations only. Not the Beatles. Penalty
for private use. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty
for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Falling
rock. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your cancelled check
is your receipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. Avoid contact
with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each
item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting
guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees
and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants
have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited
time offer, call now to insure prompt delivery. You must
be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement.
No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in
code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur.
Use only in well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire
or flame. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans.
Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible.
Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include
taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children.
Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly
prohibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs, or horses.
No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Restaurant package,
not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First
pull up, then pull down. Call toll free before digging.
Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned
in this product appear for identification purposes only.
Record additional transactions on back of previous stub.
Decision of judges is final. This disclaimer may contain
repetition repetition or speling erors. I stole this mother
of all disclaimers off of another web site I found using
google. I edited it. I like it. If you don't, please don't
let me know. If you read this far you must be a lawyer
trying to find a loophole in this disclaimer, or you just
cheated and checked the end to see what I added here.
I should have put this in the middle somewhere. So long,
and thanks for all the fish. Be happy. Rock on.
Grandpa is always cleaning
house!
So keep checking back to
see all the whacky things he ends up selling!
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Thanks for the visit!
Diamonds, rubies,
sapphires, goldstone, hematite, amethyst, agate, fluorite,
crystals, silver, glass, lucite, coral, seashells, beads, fimo
clay, plastic beads, Austrian crystal, bead wire, wired beads,
bead thread, hand-tied, handmade beads, beadwork, wooden beads,
carved wood, freshwater pearls, pearls, tiger's eye, vintage
jewelry, costume jewelry, perfume, software, clothing, vintage
clothing. Precious gems, semi-precious stones, hand-made and
professional jewelry (professional jeweler).
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